Saturday, 2 November 2013
This week has been about letting go. It's hasn't been easy to do but I want my children to be independent and successful and I think it's essential. I have to admit I'm a bit of a control freak.It's only since my younger son received his diagnosis of Aspergers that I have been able to analyse why. Essentially it's a coping mechanism to ensure that I'm not asked to do more than I can cope with. If I have a plan and do things in advance then the majority of the time things run smoothly. I absolutely hate it when a last minute emergency (many of which could have be envisaged) is thrown in my way, as I'm already juggling so many balls that I'm likely to drop one whilst catching the unexpected 'crisis' that has been thrown at me.
Having been blessed with an oppositional child has shown me that you can't always be in control. Whilst my other two are compliant and obliging ,he certainly is not , and I soon learned that the harder I pushed the more entrenched he became as he struggled because of inflexibility of mind to do the thing I'd requested. We had battles, he swore, even physical aggression at times. I soon learned that what I worked for my other two did not work for him. I learned instead to pick my battles and only insist on things being done where it was a question of safety or health.
Over the last three weeks our routine has changed beyond all recognition.My husband has become self employed. my eldest son has entered the world of work and my daughter has started a weekend job.
Suddenly I have found that I have gone from having a relative lie in in the morning and leaving the house at 7.40 to get the school bus to having to be out of the house at 7.10 each morning, even at weekends.
It has meant that my daughter has had to sort herself out in the morning and get herself out the house on time as I am already on the road taking my son to work.
I have been surprised at the way they have both buckled down and organised themselves.I have tried to resist the temptation to interfere as they will need to learn that if they don't get up on time or pack their lunches then they will miss the bus or get no lunch.
I have already introduced my son to doing his own laundry. He started as soon as he finished his GCSE's at the beginning of the summer. I couldn't believe how much easier my job became. My teenage, fashion conscious son was contributing at least half of the laundry created by a family of five. Now if he doesn't iron,he goes out creased or if he can't find an odd sock , he can't blame me. He is slowly learning!
My daughter meanwhile is, as I write , sitting on the couch writing out her time sheet for her employer. She has learned to keep track of her time and is now financially independent. She is learning business skills too- something she isn't taught at school.
It's been a busy three weeks but we are enjoying the challenge of change!