An Autistic Christmas -14 years on!

Well Christmas is over for 2014 and I've been able to reflect on how far we have come over the last fourteen years.

We've just returned from a week away in Scotland. It's the first time since Google was born that we've been away at Christmas. He knew where were going but he wasn't looking to the change in routine. Even the promise of a trip to see The Hobbit failed to convince him.


As I've discovered on previous trips away, all the sensory difficulties seemed to melt away.Although he took his ear defenders as props, Google  never needed them.He ate plenty of food, swam, played Pool and generally participated in the family banter.

As is usual on holiday, we had one 'sick day' when the anxiety and anticipation got too much and he didn't feel well but that was hardly surprising as he'd managed to endure the hoards of Christmas shoppersin Glasgow, together with the bombardment of carols and twinkly lights.In fact, to my surprise he later managed to endure an hour in the boxing day sales without any complaint or melt down and just walked quietly to the doors of the shop when it proved too much.

None of these 'steps forward' have been 'taught'  through 'forcing' him 'to have a go'. Quite the opposite in fact. We have listened to him, watched his body language and respected his anxiety and fear. In allowing him to be himself Google has learned to trust us with his fear and knows that we will take him seriously.
It has been one of the best Christmases we have had and we came back feeling really relaxed and ready to face the world again!

A Corporate Christmas- not for me thanks!

Every day I check my emails and delete the daily promotions which are regularly sent to me from book clubs,gardening sites and sports outlets.Friday was exceptional and I was suddenly bombarded by something I'd never heard of called Black Friday.It's an American idea and an American friend tells me that historically it was the day after Thanks giving when family would spend time together shopping and having fun. She says that latterly it has become more like a warzone with people knocking each other over in their bid to get a bargain.So when I hear of similar sights on the news in this country on Friday I wonder why oh why would we want that in our country? Coincidentally I watched a documentary last night called The Corporation ,a fascinating insight into the power of big companies over Government and the populas.The overriding message at the end however was that we as individuals have the power to change all that if we work together! If we really want to change something then we can.If we disagree with Black Friday we don't have to buy into it,after all,the emails I receive daily about special offers and free delivery are not going to dramatically improve for 24 hours only. Sales were far more fun forty years ago when they just happened at New Year,people saved and waited to buy their new three piece suite or car.Now we seem to be driven along on the commercial band wagon and I for one won't be joining them! I'm sure I'm not alone.I came across 'buy nothing day" on Saturday.I intended take part but had already decided to go along to our annual Dickensian weekend and I wondered if the two were mutually exclusive?There would be crowds and stalls everywhere.Instead, I decided to take my camera and focus on the sights and sounds of Victorian Britain.

I had a lovely day, talking to visitors from Salford ,Liverpool and Nevada. Learning about the stall holders and their skills and looking at the decorated windows and listening to carol singers.A real festive treat! And now I'm sitting here surrounded by jam jars making my Christmas presents and enjoying the peace and tranquility of the country side! I may even have a go at making a Christmas wreath this afternoon!

Christmas really is what you make it.For some of us it's a Christian festival with Christ at the centre for other it's family time. It's a mind set.You can enjoy the community of Christmas nativities,carol concerts and craft fayres or you can get wrapped up in the trappings of Christmas ,just as the Corporations intend you to.It's your choice!

Christmas holidays- End of school term or just the beginning?

Last night I watched Seven years in Tibet with Brad Pitt. It had been sitting in a drawer for months since I'd found it on the shelves in a charity shop and I decided to take over the TV for an evening and watch it. Once again I was amazed at the information you can learn when you are not 'trying to educate' either yourself or others. My eldest son came in to join me and we found ourselves talking about the invasion of China into Tibet in 1951 and the exile of the Dalai Llama to India. I've just spent half an hour googling Wikipedia for more information on a subject about which I had very little knowledge.

I was delighted when my Autistic son decided to join in and dress the Christmas tree .  At thirteen he still secretly gets excited at the thought of presents and Christmas generally and had  been asking when it was going up for several days.He still didn't want his photo taken as he put up the decorations!

On the other hand his twin was quite happy for me to take pictures of her as she made crackers! We discovered that the Christmas cracker was invented after a log rolled out of the burning embers onto the hearth next to a sweet maker called Thomas Smith who came up with the idea of putting a 'cracker' in his packages of sweets.There are lots of Christmas ideas on the Victorian Farm website.We also learned that during the second world war people made tinsel from the Chaff scattered by the Luftwaffe to break up radio waves and that what we know as Christmas carols were in fact originally hymns which were not necessarily associated with the Christmas period. It suddenly occurred to me that since we began home education journey we no longer think twice about researching further into subjects which we find interesting.It's not about 'learning" because we "have to". It's a natural inquisitiveness as we are interested and there is no pressure because no one is making us do it.

We put up a Christmas card my son made at school a few years ago which embraces the spirit of Christmas.

and arranged the tiny Nativity on the stove which my sister bought for the children when they were little and which is still a firm favourite!

and of course no Christmas would be complete without a walk in the fields to collect Holly and Ivy for decorations!

Wishing you all a very Peaceful Christmas!

And if anyone wants to know what I want for Christmas , well this home educating mum just about sums it up!http://simplehomeschool.net/saint-nick/

An Autistic Christmas -Making your own traditions

Well it's that busy time of year again. Life is a series of concerts,performances and Christmas meals in our household and with all the practices leading up to them it can be a tiring time.

My daughter has been rehearsing all year for a Christmas dance performance which came to fruition on Friday. As I watched her in her Michael Jackson costume of trilby,Shirt and tie, blazer and black shorts I realised that she was growing up and to put it quite frankly - in her element!

She has it all to do again next week but this time it will be a mother /daughter affair as I will be singing with my choir at the same performance!

A couple of years ago it stretched to three of us.My eldest played the drums, my daughter played the flute and sang and I sang in the choir!

Dad and my autistic son stayed well out of it! And that's how it is most Christmasses. Whilst three of us rush round like whirling dervishes (and my husband attends the odd Christmas meal), my autistic son needs 'sameness'.

When he was little he used to get so excited in the run up to Christmas that I remember him shaking as the 'real'  father Christmas walked past in a local procession. Luckily, because we had twins and couldn't keep up with who had given them what , we started a tradition of opening presents at intervals throughout the day which kept the suspense going and meant that they had time to study each present properly and play with it before they got on the the next one.

Again luckily, and quite by chance.we decided when we got married to create our own traditions rather than follow the traditions we had both had as children - mainly because they were so different we would have fallen out over it.. When the children were born we started a tradition early of not having a huge 'family' Christmas, we felt that it was a time for the children, not a time for driving up and down the country rushing from relative to relative. It turned out our intuition  for a calm, family time with no pressure was right.

We discovered early on that in the aftermath of Christmas my autistic son went into a huge depression for a couple of days, was horrendous  to deal with and needed to be left alone. We now know that he couldn't cope with all the Christmas parties, nativity plays and changes in routine which school threw at him and home education has allowed him to 'be himself' without judgement.

So whilst I go singing in an old peoples home today, my son will stay at home as he no doubt will at our Christmas concert next week. He will manage an early Christmas meal at his Grandma's as he knows the set up and there won't be too many people and he will manage a trip to the cinema to watch The Hobbit if we time it wisely when everyone else is at school or visit the early evening performance.

And as for presents- he just wants money - and believe me he won't be too happy if he gets lots of presents and no money as he is saving up for a gaming computer.So money it is and no surprises, because surprises knock you sideways when you are Autistic.

But we are lucky- we will have a Christmas tree, and crackers, and a proper Christmas meal unlike many families with a child on the spectrum.So spare a thought for those whose children don't understand,those who become 'creative' by having pictures of Christmas trees on the wall rather than the real one, virtual advent calendars because real ones are too scary,fish fingers and chips because that's what their children always eat and who feel alone because they would love to have a child who dressed up as a shepherd ,or sang in the nativity without becoming overwhelmed by the noise, the lights and the change to their routine.

But all is not lost,if you can change your own expectations of your child and harder still change or ignore the expectations of those around you who don't understand then you and your child can have a very peaceful Christmas. If anyone has found ideas which work for their Autistic children,please do share them here. You never know you might be making a huge difference to just one family!

However you spend it though have a peaceful and calm Christmas in your household from all of us!

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