What shall we learn this year?

So often in the home educating community I hear parents (particularly those new to home educating) worrying that they don't know what to'teach' their children or where to find resources.They don't want to fail their children and worry when their children are unable to read or do maths . Nowhere is this more poignant where children have special needs.

The first thing I often point out to worried parents is whether the child would be learning those things at school? So many parents (like me) took their children out of school because it was failing them.The turning point for me was when I realised that when Google went into melt down when I tried to encourage him to do a simple sum and an hour later he was still sitting there vacantly looking at it ( or worse still, yelling and swearing at me and punching the furniture) was that he would have been so much worse at school surrounded by noise and being told off by teachers who thought he was doing it deliberately.

Roll on  seven years and we no longer do formal maths or english, or anything formal at all for that matter and he's thriving.Google learns what he wants to learn and I don't know many school children his age who are clued up about the Syrian refugee crisis,the current austerity measures and their impact on society in Britain and who is capable of programming in C+ and doing higher maths when necessary.

Home education has you see, taught him to think for himself and know where to look when he wants to learn something . He uses You tube, Khan academy, Wikipedia, books, videos, DVD's and documentatries and to be honest, academic learning isn't a problem at all.

At an age when his twin sister will be focussing on her GCSE's this year we will be concentrating on what is really important in life.Things like being able to make yourself a simple meal ,being able to leave the house, thinking of ways in which we can build on his skills to create an independent income (because the way things are going he is unlikely to be able to rely on the state for support)- not that we want that, but unfortunately we have seen far too many autistic adults fall through the net as the powers that be don't recognise the extreme challenges  they face with changes of routine and  in Google's  case, lack of sleep.

One criticism of mainstream school is that it doesn't teach life skills.The same can't be said for home education.I just hope when it comes to it that my son is better prepared than many autistic teenagers when it gets to the stage of living in the big wide world.Only time will tell!

Growing up and Autism-and the benefits of Home education

Google has just been with us on a family holiday.He went aged fourteen and came back fifteen.

As always, holidays give us  the time to reflect on how he has matured.Long gone are the physical outbursts of anger, the kicking of doors and throwing of chairs.What we have now is a very tall, handsome teenager whose voice has dropped to  deep base and who has a  sense of  identity and a conviction about  his own strong views and opinions.

He couldn't give a fig if  people think his views or actions are 'strange'.He is just who he is and he's happy with that.

School doesn't prepare you for life.I read this week about a study that confirmed it. Dr. Gerard Hoefling, of the autism support program, Drexel University, Philadelphia:has said,

"We make the erroneous assumption that high schools are getting students ready for college, and they're not really.

That's not their primary task. High schools do a wonderful job
of getting students ready to graduate from high school."

I firmly believe that. How many children know how bank rates work, how to use a credit card, about the electoral system and democracy and communism and dictatorships for example?

As I watched my son I realised that he wasn't wearing his ear defenders, he checked out a menu on-line before going to a restaurant so he could choose his meal in advance without being overwhelmed by the choice. He paid for a DVD over the counter without support. Suggested to his sister that they go to the local park on holiday,then went out the door and set off to the park with her struggling to get her shoes on and follow him.Despite having no wifi on holiday he happily joined in family discussions and played board games ( with only the slightest mutter about the benefits of digital technology) He went to bed at a fairly reasonable time for him (and slept!) and he even managed a trip to the Metro centre in Newcastle where we had a Chinese buffet and then a short shop for his sister to buy a birthday present.Whilst he indicated that he did find that uncomfortable, he patiently sat it out without a meltdown and I realised that he had grown up substantially.

He is able to communicate his needs far better now.When he had blisters from walking, he told me that so I could offer thicker socks to cushion them.He told me he gets a bad back from sitting at the computer so long (something which I suspected but he has never told me) so we have discussed the benefits of more fresh air and exercise and a better computer desk and chair.

Now that he is 15 I have suggested that our aim for the year is to enable him to support himself more by making meals ( and ensuring he doesn't forget to eat) and also we need to start looking at ways he can start to learn to bring in an income (possibly a computer based income which would make complete sense for someone with autism)

Who knows where we will be this time next year? We will just have to see!

How do you remind your Autistic child to eat?

We went out for a meal on Thursday, Google, myself, my husband, his siblings, his grandparents and his aunt, that is.Google was excited.He'd known about it for weeks and accepted that a hair cut and a bath would be necessary the day before, without hesitation.Once again it was evident that these activities were neither stressful or painful when the need was there.

As he grows older Google is teaching me such a lot about Autism (his autism that is) I asked him the other day, why, when I go out,  he doesn't make himself anything to eat.I used to think it was laziness (and yes that does come into it if his sister offers to make him some toast or his older brother is making cheese and ham toasties in the kitchen) but yesterday when I dropped his sister off at Peak Camp I picked up a BLT sandwich as promised .I got home late, imagining he would be famished but, to my surprise he said he had forgotten all about it as he was so engrossed in his computer programming.

I think that's half the problem.It doesn't even occur to him that he's hungry if he's engrossed in something ,so he has to be prompted to eat otherwise he would forget.That's a problem we will need to deal with for the future.Perhaps an alarm system will do the trick or a picture system.Any ideas from those further ahead of us would be gratefully received.

Living peacefully with Autism.

So often I hear of parents, battling with the Education system,the NHS or the Welfare benefits system to get the right provision for their child. It really is a struggle, an exhausting one, which,in the most extreme circumstances can break up families or cause extreme stress and mental health difficulties both for the parents and their Autistic child. It can be a very hard existence,the world hasn't yet caught up with what it means to be autistic. Parents like me are still educating them!

Nevertheless, autism is  common, I see it about me all the time.Any parents of an Autistic child can spot it a mile off and so often it has been undiagnosed for years.Only now are some parents beginning to recognise autism in themselves of their partners,following the diagnosis of their child.

There is a poem about coming to terms with your grief following the realisation that your child is disabled. It has a very clear message that the journey you will find yourself on will be no less joyous.Yes it will have its struggles, all journeys do, but it will have its exhilarating points too.

I've learned that the key to living with autism peacefully and with acceptance is to change yourself.Change your own perceptions of what is normal and suddenly life gets a whole lot easier and richer

So what if your child doesn't sleep in the day,doesn't do their teeth, only eats mars bars and rarely bathes?None of these are life threatening.I would much rather have that than watch my child die from a terminal illness before me,being unable to do anything about it.

I want my children to have happy and fulfilled lives, and whilst for two of them that might mean being out everyday with friends challenging and stretching themselves continuously,for Google things move much more slowly.

I have no expectations that he will be ready to leave home at 18 or go to work, or drive  but I won't be putting pressure on him to do those things until he is ready! That doesn't mean that I think him incapable of doing great things.I know that he has the capacity to do whatever he sets his mind to!He amazes me with his intelligence and eloquence.

With transition to adulthood come further battles to get ESA or independent living or support-after all it's not the responsability of the parent anymore ,or is it?

Fighting a broken system causes heart ache and stress.Once we as a family took back control and stopped relying on the 'support' offered by the system, a weight was lifted off us.

My role I think will be to continue to facilitate my son,to stretch him without pushing the boundaries so that he suffers from mental health, to offer opportunities and to put people in his path who can offer support if he needs it.

Life will not all be roses but if you concentrate on the now then the worry of what lies ahead disappears.Similarly any guilt for what may have happened in the past,goes away. You did what you thought was best for your child at the time.

I read this article this week ,very wise words from a parent who has reached the same part of the journey as me.It's worth a read!

We only have one life,it's our choice how we choose to live it!

Reach for the stars!

The other evening, as I sat watching television, Google came downstairs carrying his telescope case.When I asked him what he was doing he didn't respond (which we are totally used to by now) but he walked into the kitchen and I heard the latch of the kitchen door as he opened and closed it.
Later when I went to shut in   the hens I found Google, in the middle of the garden, sitting on a green plastic chair with his telescope trained towards the moon and his ipad on his knee .He was studying his  Stargazer app.I followed the line of his telescope and saw that the moon was an extremely narrow crescent that night .Above in the North east was a very bright planet which Google told me was Venus.

The thing that struck me was that Google hasn't touched his telescope for months . In fact I was thinking of sending it to the charity shop.He had obviously been reading about the position of Venus and gone out to investigate. Sure enough when I did  my own investigations this is what I come up with!
http://astronomynow.com/2015/04/21/venus-meets-the-moon-in-the-eye-of-the-bull/

Once again I've seen evidence of him learning through his own interests and motivation. For many years Google has shown an interest in the space and the planets. He discovered Kerbal Space programme . Created space rockets and space modules,watched Professor Brian Cox.All of this has been self motivated.Not bad for the little boy who didn't want to learn!

Critical cleaning for Autistic children!

My conversation with Google tonight went as follows, "Are you having a bath tonight?"

"Is it critical?" He asked.

"About as critical as you can get" I replied. "In emergency speak you would be on red alert!"

"Can't you smell yourself?

"No I've got a blocked nose" he answered!

"Well you're lucky" I said, "I wish I had."

We regularly have conversations about baths.I've learned that when you have an oppositional autistic teenager it pays to take a laid back approach.

The more you push the less you achieve.You have to let them think it's their idea, and boy is that hard!

It's natural to worry about what people will think of you when they see your sweaty, spotty, greasy haired teenager, oh and did I mention bad breath?

What I have learned on our autism journey however is that I'm not alone.I've also learned that I can be totally upfront with my son and he doesn't take offence.It's a bit like Temple Grandin in the film Temple Grandin when she was told by her boss that she perspired and needed anti perspirant. She accepted it as a fact rather than a criticism.

Anyway, Google had his bath and the battle was over.But I still have a long way to go before I win the war!

Kebabs are the new K.F.C!

Google went to the kebab shop with his dad tonight. It's nice to see him going out voluntarily because he doesn't often choose to leave the house.
It's hard as a parent wanting him to go out and get fresh air and have a more balanced life but in fact by listening to him and not forcing him to go out then he has grown into a much happier and calmer child. To an autistic child trips out are less about socialising and more about getting something they want such as playing with a friend because the friend owns a digger, buying a game you want to play or going to the cinema.Each autistic child will have their own motivation.
The other day I  asked him if he thought he missed out by not going to school.He said that no doubt he did, but when I said he could go to school at any time he said that he didn't want to as teachers didn't understand autism and often made school a terrible place to be.
I've no doubt he is right.I'm increasingly being asked for advice about home education and have seen several local families embark on that journey in the last couple of years.A recent study shows an increase in the number  of families of autistic children's taking their local authority to tribunal and they are winning!
Locally families are beginning to get the placement their children need and the difference in their childrens' mental health and behaviour is obvious.
Parents in the west of the county are campaigning to set up an Autism academy .It is hard to see how they won't be successful. It is very much needed and these parents are passionate about getting the right help for their child!
I find myself on the fringe looking in.I desperately want them to succeed.If my son had been five years younger I would have wanted the same for him. Unfortunately for us our local authority neglected to mention the school which would have been totally appropriate for our son.They didn't want to fund it so presumably felt if they didn't mention it they wouldn't have to pay! Their strategies are starting to backfire, parents have raised thousands of pounds to fight them and have won.Their children are now being supported and helped.I just wish for their sakes that it could have been a lot sooner.http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-31111461
As for us, what turned out to be our only choice has in fact proved to be the best thing we ever did.It has changed the life of not only my son but our whole family. We have control over what we learn and we are not controlled by tests and grades and propoganda about not getting a good job without high grades.
Home education is teaching our children flexibility. They are able to adapt and learn when they need to and they are confident and happy.Even my daughter who is at school doesn't take it too seriously and has lots of out of school activities to balance her academic subjects
Even Google is learning slowly and surely to try new things. What used to be a weekly trip to KFC seems to have turned into a trip to the kebab shop!

An Autistic Christmas -14 years on!

Well Christmas is over for 2014 and I've been able to reflect on how far we have come over the last fourteen years.

We've just returned from a week away in Scotland. It's the first time since Google was born that we've been away at Christmas. He knew where were going but he wasn't looking to the change in routine. Even the promise of a trip to see The Hobbit failed to convince him.


As I've discovered on previous trips away, all the sensory difficulties seemed to melt away.Although he took his ear defenders as props, Google  never needed them.He ate plenty of food, swam, played Pool and generally participated in the family banter.

As is usual on holiday, we had one 'sick day' when the anxiety and anticipation got too much and he didn't feel well but that was hardly surprising as he'd managed to endure the hoards of Christmas shoppersin Glasgow, together with the bombardment of carols and twinkly lights.In fact, to my surprise he later managed to endure an hour in the boxing day sales without any complaint or melt down and just walked quietly to the doors of the shop when it proved too much.

None of these 'steps forward' have been 'taught'  through 'forcing' him 'to have a go'. Quite the opposite in fact. We have listened to him, watched his body language and respected his anxiety and fear. In allowing him to be himself Google has learned to trust us with his fear and knows that we will take him seriously.
It has been one of the best Christmases we have had and we came back feeling really relaxed and ready to face the world again!

Peace in our Time!

I have to keep my eye on the ball. change happens slowly and subtlety in an autistic household.In the last few weeks it has been an increase the range of food my son will eat.Beans on toast (as long as they're Heinz) - I haven't dared tell him he got a mix of brands the other day,Emmental and bavarian ham toastie,smooth fresh orange juice. I know it's down to his mood but it's lovely to see him eating something healthy for a change!

Even the tin of chocolates my daughter won at a raffle is still half full and has been for weeks. Either that means that before I started my healthy life style change I ate all the chocolates or, by me concentrating on eating healthy food it's affecting the whole family!

Another thing I noticed last night was that, after waiting an hour for someone to get his pudding for him, my son finally decided it wasn't going to happen and, having asked my how many slices the chocolate cake would cut into,he cut himself a slice,added ice cream and came through having made himself his pudding!

I have to say,I never thought I'd see the day.He will generally do without rather than make himself some food. Many's the time he will pop downstairs after we've all made ourselves a sandwich for lunch and asked "What's for Dinner?"

The lack of motivation to eat, is in some part due to his intensity of concentration when he is building something on Minecraft or flying a virtual aeroplane which will crash if he leaves it. There is however another aspect, an anxiety or not knowing 'where to start'. I have stood over him many times, instructing him how to make a hot chocolate,or use the ice cream scoop or cut a slice of bread and wondered for how much longer my intelligent fourteen year old will still need that support. The answer I think will be whenever he is feeling insecure.

At the moment his mood is buoyant and he is willing to go out (in moderation), will have a bath when asked and will eat foods he would previously have rejected. I am enjoying the peaceful life,long may it last!

Learning new things!

We all need to learn in order to grow and develop,parents too! That's why education is important but school isn't.It doesn't matter where you learn or when you learn it as long as you continue to search out new things. That's why when you are struggling with home education, as we all do at times,it's good to take a step back and instead of asking  "What should I be teaching my children" perhaps we should ask"What do I want to know?"

Because an interested teacher is a motivated and enthusiastic teacher and that shines through.

Of all the parents of children with Autism that I know,the ones that shine through are the ones that get on and do things in spite of their child's autism. It doesn't mean they don't struggle or get down but they have learned to set goals and go for them and, surprisingly, it is their achievements which improve their own quality of life ( and often that of their autistic children too)

This week, after four years, one friend has published an ebook about autism http://www.hesnotnaughty.co.uk/   Having struggled to come to terms with the diagnosis of not one but two of her children and the attitudes she found towards her when she was struggling in public to control them she decided to do something about it.

Another friend took up running and discovered a passion which she could share with her family.

Yet another writes a fabulous blog about her hill walks with her son Evan in the Lake district. She is inspirational and has shown just how much can be achieved through home education, and yet another has just completed the great North run!

I am surrounded by positive people and it rubs off!

So that just leaves me - what have I learned this week?

We entered Benny and Rusty for the first time  in our local dog show (we didn't win anything, but it's the taking part that counts,right?) But don't worry we'll be back next year now we know the judge prefers spaniels (just have to work on the spaniel fancy dress costumes for our border terrier and black labrador)

Oh, and did I mention I've taken up running? It's a twelve week course called from Couch to 5K and I've just about got off the couch at the moment but watch this space- with all the nudges and winks going on in our family it's like a red rag to a bull. I'll show them!

Fun in the Sun!

We've just enjoyed a very satisfying and fulfilling weekend.I'm gradually learning to appreciate that shopping sprees with their short term satisfaction are not for me. The feeling of exhilaration when you climb a mountain or spend some time with a friend and a coffee are far more my thing.

My son's explorer scout group are involved in our local Incredible edible scheme.The idea is to plant fruit and vegetables in waste spaces round the town making them attractive places to be. The scout garden started life as a dingy corner between a car park and factory shop, full of brambles and trees.Over the last few weeks they have hoiked trees from the ground, dug up weeds, built staging and paths and yesterday they had started to plant.Black currant bushes, beans, nasturtiums,leeks ( which I've now learned you plant without infilling with soil afterwards.

My friend and I and our two girls offered to lend a hand, filling troughs with flowers, building wigwams and digging over ground. What sights we must have looked when we walked into our local supermarket later for a coffee!

My eldest son then dashed off to join his friends for a well earned swim at Fell Foot! One again I count my blessings that we have all this on our door step. My daughter and her friend took part in a family fun day at Kepplewray,doing archery and ghyll scrambling in the Yew dale valley, whilst I joined my friends on a seven mile sponsored walk in the evening to raise money for our local Hospice. It was a lovely balmy evening and lovely to chatter as we walked with a friend's dog George.

My autistic son is still unable to join us but he did come out in the sunshine to join us in two family barbeques. It's nice to see that he feels comfortable in the family unit.We just have to work at expanding that now as he missed fish and chips the other day because he couldn't face going out, despite having put his shoes on ready to go.Anxiety is such a crippling  affliction. But as always with Autism we go with the flow and it works for us!

Going on holiday when your Child has Aspergers

It's getting harder as my son gets older, to go on holiday.Last time we went it was last minute and he told us to give him two weeks notice next time. This time he had known about it for two or three months.We still had a difficult couple of weeks in the run up to going away. He wouldn't eat, he wouldn't talk and he wouldn't sleep.

Much of it is anxiety about the unknown.We have been to this particular resort before which helped but there are still the unknown to be dealt with such as airport security ( which entails taking off ear defenders), flight delays and typical unexpected things that arise.

By the time we were ready to go he was actually quite excited as we were staying at a Premier Inn at Newcastle airport. He knows the set up at Premier Inns and had already investigated the menu and decided on his evening meal.

At the sign of us getting ready he sat in the car,travel pillow at the ready waiting to go!

He had a lovely evening with the biggest ever hamburger and chips and was relaxed and happy because his whole 'little' family was together.

We have the airport down to a fine art now.We only take hand luggage which cuts down on waiting time as we don't have to check in. We were through security in a jiffy and once our gate was called we were straight onto the plane.Another advantage of booking our airline direct as it's rare for them to be seriously delayed.

Flying is fine,my son enjoys the excitement of looking out the window and ordering snacks and drinks and the ipad is great for reading books we've downloaded.When we arrived in Majorca it was 8.00pm and we were straight off the plane to the hire car office and soon on our way.

The first night we stayed in an apartment. As it was late we went to a local restaurant and despite not having eaten all day our son couldn't decide what to eat.We find it best just not to order for him as it's a waste of money so we ordered pork escallopes,pork and chicken.Of course as soon as he saw the chicken he wanted some so twin sister generously shared hers and we all gave him some chips!
Next morning before setting off for our resort we sat on the beach.My son distanced himself from everyone but gradually he began to comment on the wild life as we saw two Mallorcan cormorants, ducking and diving in the sea.

As the week progressed we began to notice a relaxation.He didn't wear his ear defenders at all on holiday, he didn't mention the computer,he asked to go swimming several times and he didn't complain at any of his meals.He even walked through the Pine forests with us to Port Andrax.

He enjoyed the games room with his siblings and even joined us at two barbecues with people he'd never met and survived them! All in all he did incredibly well.

I'm sure the sunny weather helps his moods and the fact he has his whole family round for security, but if you ask him about the best bit of his holiday,he'll still tell you it was coming home!

Home Education gets our vote!

I had plenty of time to think back over the week as I set off for Broughton on my C2B preparations today.

It's been a busy week. My husband has just taken his last exam in his diploma for the Institute of Fire engineers which should mean that he is an accredited engineer if he passes. Learning at home seems to have become a habit for all of us. The other day he sent me a text "Have you heard of  Sugata Mitra?Google him!"
At first I thought he must be someone sinister but then I realised he was the Indian professor who introduced a computer into a whole in the wall in a street in Delhi and watched the Indian children as they played with it.You can read about it here:- http://www.ted.com/talks/sugata_mitra_shows_how_kids_teach_themselves
His ideas are similar to those of John Holt- children learn for themselves, you just need to facilitate them.

I smiled as I remembered back to  when my Autistic son was struggling so much at school . I began to read about home education and a weight was lifted off when I realised it would work. My husband took longer to convince but he is a convert.He is now advocating autonomous education because he knows that it works- he's seen the evidence!

My daughter came back from her trip from London even more convinced, having attended a performance of Wicked that she wants to study drama and dance. Her brother meanwhile has struggled with his dad being away and has stuck rigidly to routine to help him through. Food has been an issue for a couple of days- he's hungry but refuses anything you offer and ear defenders have been firmly planted on his head. He managed a KFC but offers of a meal at the Brewers Fayre or Pizza Hut were refused as they are places you eat "as a family". Teaching has mainly been through discussion although a new World War 2 book has been devoured.

My daughter spent the day curled up in bed yesterday reading Divergent . She wanted to finish it before we see the film tonight. It's lovely to see her enjoying books so much. Meanwhile, I've been gardening, planting seeds, making plant lables and cutting back.

Home made plant labels

Wall flowers

The wallflowers are doing well too in the fish crate we rescued from the beach last year!

I also took part in the ladies choral class of the South Cumbria Music Festival too. We didn't win but we got our highest mark ever and a fantastic feeling of achievement. Perhaps the judge's best comment was that we " Brought lots of Joy". We can't really complain at that can we?

Back to the Future!

Why, I wondered had history become so much more vibrant and exciting in the last few years since I began home educating? As I sat rhyming off dates of the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake, the sinking of the Titanic,the Chernobyl disaster,The first World War I realised that I hadn't 'meant' to learn them, they'd just happened because I was interested.

Why I was interested was another matter- for me, history starts with people and I usually come across them (both real and fictional) whilst reading books. Yesterday, for example , I was reading a book The Winter Ghosts by Kate Mosse and found myself looking at the role of prehistoric caves in the French Pyrenees as a refuge for the Cathar communities in Medieval times. If I had started with a text book looking at the role of the crusades and religious wars I would probably have closed the book but in this case my interest was picqued by one fictional character who could have been any one of us.

That's why I think I'm attracted by people  like Anne Frank, or Schindler or Ghandi because they make me realize that history is just  the everyday things that happen to everyday people but in the past , and it can happen again in the future.

I've realized that the technological revolution we're going through now, is not all that different from the Industrial revolution. It is having an impact on where people work, how many are needed to do a job,and competing with local retailers.

One of the most useful books I've bought is Eye Witness to History by John Carey  which is a compilation of eye witness accounts ranging from the burial of a Viking to an execution during the French Revolution,it brings home the enormous importance of us recording the most insignificant events and customs which we take for granted and encourages us to open our eyes to the world around us.

My son, on the other hand who has the same passion for history as me,sees things from a very different viewpoint. Being Autistic,it's not people and their emotions which interest him. He thinks logically, with far less emotion than me , and,  whilst the reasons for war would concern me ,he would be far more inclined to simply announce that 'war is stupid and futile' but then go on to investigate the strategy of war, what weapons they used,how the geographical terrain and weather affected the campaigns and how, if you have to go to war, to lose the fewest men! He would make a good military leader!

Books and programmes like Horrible Histories and Victorian Farm, together with historical dramas and films have also played a massive part in feeding his passion and I can't recommend highly enough anything at all by Michael Morpurgo whose books filled our earlier years and still now slip in and out of our life as the book takes us!

 Like many Autistic children he is a visual learner and if you ever read Thinking in Pictures by Temple Grandin you'll begin to understand that their brains are arranged like computers-as each piece of information goes in it is stored and filed in the appropriate file so building up a picture of a subject which once stored is rarely lost.

So if memorizing facts and figures is a struggle then 'don't'. If the interest is there it will come. You need to fuel the passion first and once your child is on fire then they'll teach themselves.

Transition at Sixteen - what's best if you're Autistic?

Autism hasn't featured very heavily in my blog recently because at the moment it isn't a major issue. It hasn't gone away, but as with many people with Aspergers it depends on my son's anxiety levels as to how his behaviour affects his moods and our family life and at the moment we are on a roll!

This week my husband has been speaking to a web designer about his new business. During his time at the website company he has met several employees, many of whom he has recognised are on the 'spectrum'. Whether they have a diagnosis or not is unknown,but when you live with someone with Autism it isn't hard to spot!

My husband explained my son's current interest in computer programming and now has an offer of help if my son runs into difficulties. Whilst his twin sister is choosing her GCSE options at the moment,we are looking for opportunities for our son to choose the life skills that will be important to him to live independently. He may struggle with interviews because of anxiety but if he can learn a skill now without 'pressure to perform', who knows he might be offered an opportunity to work or set up his own business? It's so unlike school when there is that panic moment at 16 about "what next" with so little thought about the huge transition involved for our children.

Whilst we slowly progress forward as my son develops.his twin sister has chosen the subjects she loves for her options. She opened the Options booklet only to be welcomed by a paragraph about the government's "suggested subjects"- thankfully the school are not enforcing them as they are purely guidelines but what choice is it when the government are dictating the subjects they recommend everyone should learn. What a sad society we would live in if everyone was the same! My eldest son,only two years ago, chose to go to college one day a week instead of two of his GCSE'S.He was student of the year and he earned an apprenticeship. This option is no longer available to my daughter- the choices are getting narrower.

Anyway,as I've said,she has chosen her favourite subjects, dance, P.E, catering and history or geography.We've learned from home education that if you like something you are likely to be more motivated and get a better result.It seems a reasonable assumption so we'll stick to our guns!

Robyn Steward NAS Ambassador for Aspergers

Today I was privileged to hear NAS ambassador Robyn Steward talk about Aspergers. At the age of twenty seven she is working with the NAS to spread awareness of the condition.In her own imitable style (she wore a purple trilby and purple dock martins) she explained that she learned to tie her shoe laces at the age of 21 after seeing a pair of yellow dock martins which she really. really wanted. Motivation was the key.

I asked her whether she felt it worked better for her to be self employed rather than working for a company with structure and expectations and she said without doubt as she was 'a pain in the backside' and difficult to work with, The thing that struck me was that she understood herself and also how difficult it could be for NT people to work with and understand her. One of her coping strategies when she felt stressed was to ring her parents. Luckily, she said, she had two so that when she got too much for one, they could pass the phone to the other!

Robyn had a real sense of humour and her straight talking, honest way of speaking was refreshing. When asked for advice about what to do when a certain child became 'mad' her first comment was 'I assume by mad you mean angry'. She had learned her limitations with regard to understanding language and had asked for clarification to check she understood,

I was encouraged that here was a young person with the same condition as my son living independently with support of three hours a week because,she admitted, she was a 'hoarder' and very messy.

Despite a difficult time at school (she was finally kicked out), then being sexually abused by a trusted professional (in her late teens) because of her difficulty with soctal cues (Discussing bananas and hob nobs in a sex education class at school simply isn't enough for autistic pupils who need to hear it directly and factually without embarrassment),she was not afraid to speak out in order to help others who were unable to speak for themselves

For those who haven't met her Robyn has a  website and she is well worth listening to!

Thank you Robyn and good luck with the tour!

Travels with my Aunt- and Son and Daughter's friend.

I waved off my eldest as he set off for Austria on Friday with Explorer scouts. They were off to London before taking Eurostar to Paris and were then going by train to Stuttgart, before taking another to Salzburg and the final leg to Zellhof by bus. I felt very jealous.Last time I visited Austria was before he was born and he is now sixteen. I love the Lakes and Mountains and I'm sure that this trip  will be a challenge and an adventure. Before he left school my son had the chance to do the Government Citizenship scheme but as he said,

"It's a bit sad when they teach you life skills in three weeks, after your school education has ceased!"

This will be my son's third major trip now. Over the last three years they have got progressively more challenging - from a week travelling round Cumbria, to a round Britain trip last year taking in Ireland and now a chance to visit Europe. He even has the chance to spend summer in Australia next year if he decides he wants to do it.

That's why I love home education. It's about seizing new opportunities and meeting new people. Only a few weeks ago my son escorted some Irish scouts round our local town which is the birth place of Stan Laurel. He met them last year in Ireland when they took him to the Orange parade. 'An awesome experience' and one which I as his mother would have been terrified about had I known.

Meanwhile my daughter has had a  school  friend to stay over.She used to live in the Canary Islands and speaks fluent Spanish- my daughter spent the entire journey in the car learning rude Spanish words!
"I wish we learned Spanish instead of French at school" she said " Can you teach me some?" 

Her friend will be spending the Summer holidays in Fuerventura and has promised to send us photos of where she stays and tell us about real Spanish life. It will also form part of my Autistic son's education.

This type of education is real and relevant - children learn because they want to and what's more the language sinks in and doesn't get forgotten.My daughter has spent the entire weekend asking the dogs if they want to go into the garden for a wee and poo IN SPANISH!

And education is not just about 'taking' either, my daughter's friend spent a day living with us and our Autistic son- she was intuitive and non judgemental and he sensed that.By the end of the stay he was laughing and giggling with her on the trampoline and he invited her back again. Praise indeed!

Oh we do like to be beside the Seaside (but only when it's quiet!)

Yesterday evening, after the crowds had gone and the temperature had cooled, we spent two hours down on the beach,playing and taking in the view. It was one of those a rare special moments (which only the parent of an autistic child could understand) when my autistic son asked to come with us. 
Free of crowds and noise he played happily with his sister and I captured the  moment with the camera.

This is what life was like for him only a few years ago and I realised that it can be like that again in the future  if only we tailor the world around him and plan our activities for the 'quiet times'.

He loves the company of his siblings- it makes him feel secure and that is why he finds outings so much harder when they are at school.He misses social contact- but only a little bit.That's why the X box plays such an important part in his life. Sadly he doesn't feel able to join in the activities put on for autistic children at the moment - he has a fixed idea in his head as what they will be like!

We have had so many fewer 'grumpy' days since we followed his 'rhythm'- we have no expectation or demands and understand that when he says 'I don't know' he often actually means 'you choose'.
His sleep patterns are still irregular but he is sleeping less during
 the day- giving him time to go out and play or talk to his siblings
.
I heard the slap,slap slap of wellies the other day as I tended the front garden. My son, donned in red ear defenders walked passed the gate and waved at me. He had decided to walk to his friends over the road to ask if he could play. That hasn't happened in a long time - he normally waits for his friend to come here! I didn't see him again for three hours.Such a small thing to people who don't understand but for the parent of an Autistic child a massively SMILEY event!

Autism, the weather and changing behaviours

Heatwave in July 2013

Well we are officially going through a heatwave here in Cumbria and it's been interesting to see how my son has coped. So many autistic children struggled to regulate their temperature and my son quite frequently wears his anorak on the hottest of days!
Thankfully we are lucky. If anything the hot weather entices him out of the house more- not far you understand, but into the garden to play with the dogs, nip out for a quick trampoline or a water game and into the house again. He's also enjoyed our family barbecues when the evenings were cooler.
Only the other day we were the only customers at KFC on our weekly outing and he sat in the car,sweat pouring down his face but he didn't complain.
Whilst drinking enough is usually an issue I notice he does keep himself topped up- it's just a pity he doesn't wash up his glasses afterwards- there is a trail round the house.
It is important to watch our children - for many they struggle with this hot weather and it can lead to melt down. Whilst we celebrate the coming of summer they are stuck in airless, stifling buildings, unable to go out or when they do they are inappropriately dressed.
Leaving cold drinks around or making ice lollies can help ( a great science lesson on changing materials), leaving curtains closed, explaining clearly and scientifically how the body regulates itself through sweating and pointing out what others are wearing in the hopes they will follow suit.
Weather is so closely related to the sensory issues our children experience that it is worthwhile paying close attention as it may well be a reason for their behaviours.
 Fortunately for us the hot weather is not a major issue but there are children who will not leave the house if it's windy because it 'hurts' them or they don't like getting wet - don't underestimate how influential it is upon our childrens' moods.
 I would love to hear of others experiences and any tips which they have which may be of use to others during this period of hot weather. Parent's are by far the most useful source of advice!

Anxiety and Autism- Making it Better

Making it better - not an easy task....

Despite being a fairly experienced mum of an ASD child ( I've had thirteen years to learn!), it didn't occur to me until quite recently just how much anxiety and sensory problems play a role in causing autistic behaviors. I sometimes wonder why I didn't notice it before but I suppose that the problems are more evident now that my son can explain how he feels.

At the age of 5 my son told his teacher that the playground 'was too noisy'. For many children no matter how much support you put into the education system it won't solve the problem of the babble of excited children or the echo of a school hall with high ceilings. Only the  other day I rang my daughter whilst she was travelling on the school bus and I could hardly hear myself speak over the noise of screeching children- for an autistic child it's a form of torture, I couldn't  put him through that,

For anyone who tries to argue that my son needs to socialise and that home education isn't the answer I would answer that  being with his peers for 6 hours a day, five days a week isn't the way for an autistic child to learn how to socialise.My son can socialise perfectly well when he's comfortable, in fact he has friends of various ages- most of them older than him., Yesterday for example his sister's friend came for a sleepover. She has been several times now and my son has barely spoken to her.Yesterday the sun was shining and I found the three of them playing a game on the trampoline - my son has taken his time to assess the situation to the point where he has wanted to take part and be included. My daughter's friend on the other hand has had the opportunity to learn a little bit about autism .

My son functions well on a one to one basis when the person he is with has something in common with him. I try not to manipulate him into 'false' situations- he is capable of making his own friends- something he has done through his gaming and a tool which I think will benefit many autistic children as they cross the line into adult hood. It enables them to interact with others and get to know them before they commit to 'meeting them', I suspect that for many it will be a way to form relationships as the 'niceties' will be over before they even meet.

What is clear to me is that if you deal with the anxiety or sensory difficulties then you will help the behaviour.Home education gives you the opportunity as a parent to observe your child and establish why he is behaving in a certain way. Often when they come home from school it is difficult to unravel what caused a meltdown or anxiety because the moment has been 'lost' amongst the constant demands of thirty children on their teacher,

I know that if my son starts rocking or puts his hands on his ears that things are building up and to get him out of that situation before an explosion. We now have an arrangement that if shops get to much for him with their bright lights and ringing tills he will just walk out and stand by the car. (Obviously that wouldn't work if he was buying something at the tills but at the moment and for the short term future he will require support in shops anyway)

There are tool kits you can make up to help with stress. For older children , having a stress ball to manipulate when they are out ,or in my son's case ,a book he can dip into when thinks get too much) can really help.

Changes in routine cause massive anxiety so a diary (an electronic one for an Aspie kid would be great). For non verbal children picture cards or PECS of where they are going can help but be aware that it pays  to have a 'wild card' for when things go wrong (which they definitely will sometimes). Recently I came across a card with a picture of Homer Simpson and the words "DOH" above his head.It worked for a child who liked the Simpsons and calmed him down when the going got tough.

For my son we have found that Indian head massage works. I bought a book and taught myself - I'm not the most patient mum but it seems to work for us. We don't talk too much if he is feeling really anxious. He often just can't hear me but he visibly relaxes as the tension subsides.

The most important thing I have learned though is to talk about what my son is going through. I reassure him that every one has anxiety, not just ASD kids and that it's normal. What isn't normal is that it is more excessive for him and that an adult he will probably have the same feelings to deal with, which will be scary but that we're building up strategies to deal with that now. (He fancies one of those massage chairs you see in electrical retailers!)

That's where home education and mainstream education differs. In mainstream he would be concentrating on exams so he can 'get a job'. We on the other hand are learning how to deal with the one biggest thing that will prevent him from getting one and keeping it because if we can get that one right then the qualifications (whether formal or otherwise) will follow.