How do you remind your Autistic child to eat?

We went out for a meal on Thursday, Google, myself, my husband, his siblings, his grandparents and his aunt, that is.Google was excited.He'd known about it for weeks and accepted that a hair cut and a bath would be necessary the day before, without hesitation.Once again it was evident that these activities were neither stressful or painful when the need was there.

As he grows older Google is teaching me such a lot about Autism (his autism that is) I asked him the other day, why, when I go out,  he doesn't make himself anything to eat.I used to think it was laziness (and yes that does come into it if his sister offers to make him some toast or his older brother is making cheese and ham toasties in the kitchen) but yesterday when I dropped his sister off at Peak Camp I picked up a BLT sandwich as promised .I got home late, imagining he would be famished but, to my surprise he said he had forgotten all about it as he was so engrossed in his computer programming.

I think that's half the problem.It doesn't even occur to him that he's hungry if he's engrossed in something ,so he has to be prompted to eat otherwise he would forget.That's a problem we will need to deal with for the future.Perhaps an alarm system will do the trick or a picture system.Any ideas from those further ahead of us would be gratefully received.

Critical cleaning for Autistic children!

My conversation with Google tonight went as follows, "Are you having a bath tonight?"

"Is it critical?" He asked.

"About as critical as you can get" I replied. "In emergency speak you would be on red alert!"

"Can't you smell yourself?

"No I've got a blocked nose" he answered!

"Well you're lucky" I said, "I wish I had."

We regularly have conversations about baths.I've learned that when you have an oppositional autistic teenager it pays to take a laid back approach.

The more you push the less you achieve.You have to let them think it's their idea, and boy is that hard!

It's natural to worry about what people will think of you when they see your sweaty, spotty, greasy haired teenager, oh and did I mention bad breath?

What I have learned on our autism journey however is that I'm not alone.I've also learned that I can be totally upfront with my son and he doesn't take offence.It's a bit like Temple Grandin in the film Temple Grandin when she was told by her boss that she perspired and needed anti perspirant. She accepted it as a fact rather than a criticism.

Anyway, Google had his bath and the battle was over.But I still have a long way to go before I win the war!

Peace in our Time!

I have to keep my eye on the ball. change happens slowly and subtlety in an autistic household.In the last few weeks it has been an increase the range of food my son will eat.Beans on toast (as long as they're Heinz) - I haven't dared tell him he got a mix of brands the other day,Emmental and bavarian ham toastie,smooth fresh orange juice. I know it's down to his mood but it's lovely to see him eating something healthy for a change!

Even the tin of chocolates my daughter won at a raffle is still half full and has been for weeks. Either that means that before I started my healthy life style change I ate all the chocolates or, by me concentrating on eating healthy food it's affecting the whole family!

Another thing I noticed last night was that, after waiting an hour for someone to get his pudding for him, my son finally decided it wasn't going to happen and, having asked my how many slices the chocolate cake would cut into,he cut himself a slice,added ice cream and came through having made himself his pudding!

I have to say,I never thought I'd see the day.He will generally do without rather than make himself some food. Many's the time he will pop downstairs after we've all made ourselves a sandwich for lunch and asked "What's for Dinner?"

The lack of motivation to eat, is in some part due to his intensity of concentration when he is building something on Minecraft or flying a virtual aeroplane which will crash if he leaves it. There is however another aspect, an anxiety or not knowing 'where to start'. I have stood over him many times, instructing him how to make a hot chocolate,or use the ice cream scoop or cut a slice of bread and wondered for how much longer my intelligent fourteen year old will still need that support. The answer I think will be whenever he is feeling insecure.

At the moment his mood is buoyant and he is willing to go out (in moderation), will have a bath when asked and will eat foods he would previously have rejected. I am enjoying the peaceful life,long may it last!

Two Right Wellies!

I've just been to feed the hens, went to the welly rack and found two size five wellies (too small) and two left wellies (sizes 6 and 7). My daughter has set off to school with two right wellies as she is going out on a field trip to our local National trust farm.

Well it's raining rain and leaves, and the trees are almost bent double! I have visions of her squelching through the mud in her school shoes (that's if she doesn't slide over into the mud like her brother did a couple of weeks ago in his new jeans and expensive trainers!)

So it looks as if a trip to Coniston is in store. Good job I'm a Home Educating mum!

Anyway it's been a while since I mentioned my Autistic son, he's fourteen now and home educated , and slowly and surely I'm beginning to see him mature. That's why this blog is so usefu.For many with neuro typical children it's perhaps difficult to understand just how important small steps are to the family of a disabled child! Tying shoe laces or learning to ride a bike are huge achievements for many autistic children.For us ,at the moment, one of the challenges is hygiene. We've moved on from hair cutting, which is now accepted as long as we do it at home with hair trimmers ( although last time my son wore his bobble hat for a month after as I'd cut it too short!)

We are however still struggling with teeth cleaning (and haven't yet worked out an answer to that one) But we have made a break through! Now that puberty has set in and he's getting sweaty,he is more open to the idea of regular baths (not THAT regular you understand) but not the one every two weeks if you pin him down under the water for a few minutes kind of bath. It's interesting that he doesn't get upset if you say 'You smell horrible you need a bath', it's a bit like the clip in Temple Grandin's film 'Temple Grandin'  when her boss hands her a can of antiperspirant- you have to tell it as it is!

I know we've moved on because when I suggest a bath he doesn't flatly refuse but waits a few minutes to process the idea and then ,after I forget I've asked the question, announces 'OK'. He still requires prompting and I suspect always will but we'll get round that one as he gets older with alarms or calendars or something!

Leaving him the choice of when he goes out has also made a difference. Now he is fourteen and can stay at home when I pop to the shops, I no longer have to pressurise him to go out, which only caused him panic attacks and me huge frustration at being late, unable to get my shopping or meet other people. I've accepted he isn't interested in socialising a great deal and that he isn't sad and I have noticed him coming out into the sunshine with the dogs recently to sit and play with them on the grass. Yesterday I came home to see him out walking the dog with his elder brother (I couldn't have made him do that in a million years ) and we have a couple of meetings lined up ( a visit from another home educating family) and his brother's eighteen birthday meal (a quiet affair for family and grandparents- he likes that!)

He has been to the pictures, popped round to grandma's and we have talked about planning a visit to Duxford air museum.All very small steps but I'm finally 'getting it' and learning not to be swayed by what others think -my son is doing it his  way and has no intention of being changed by society and that's just the way it should be!

Anxiety in Aspergers - the root of the problem?

One of the advantages of keeping a record of Home education is the ability to see how things go round in cycles. What can seem to be a monumental problem at one stage suddenly fades away and before you know it it's  forgotten as the issues which seemed so huge at the time have usually  been overtaken by another seemingly insurmountable challenge!

Take our house for example. A few months ago I was bemoaning the fact that my Autistic son never had a bath. Last week I nearly fell off my chair when he asked for one!

We have changed the time he bathes you see. Bath time is now in the morning when he gets up. When he didn't put up any objection I realised it wasn't intefering with his time on the computer with his friends so there was no resistance. Life is by no means perfect, after all we still have to deal with the problem of hair washing and cleaning his teeth but, for now at least, we seem to have cracked the bathing situation and also hair cuts (which not more than a year ago was unthinkable)

The sleep situation hasn't improved much (my son is awake most of the night|) but we have been determined not to make a big thing of it. There are days when he will keep himself awake for two days then go to sleep at normal times whilst on other days he will sleep most of the day.

I was discussing the prospect with him the other day of looking into the use of Melatonin   to regulate his sleep patterns.

" Oh I know about that" he said,

"It's produced naturally in our bodies. Have you only just come across it?"

" Well no actually I've known about it a while but would rather you make your own decisions about your life. Does it cause you unhappiness or inconvenience when you are up all night?"

"By and large 'no' ," he said, so for now at least, we have decided to leave things as they are until  my son considers out of synch sleep patterns  cause him a problem!

Even going out has improved. My son is not exactly a socialite but he has recently been to Morrisons for lunch (that wouldn't have happened a year ago) and he has asked to visit his Grandparents, has been to the cinema, been shopping,even walked the dog the other day and not a panic attack in sight.

The only thing that bothered him was when  a fighter jet went over (which is what triggered panic attacks in the first place) and he ran downstairs. I explained that whilst I couldn't guarantee it,there was unlikely to be another one (they normally fly over two at a time) he picked himself up and went back upstairs.

So if you are having a difficult time (don't despair there is light at the end of the tunnel). We have been through  'baby voices' 'furniture throwing' 'door kicking' and whilst there will surely be more to come, if you listen intuitively to your child and your gut instinct then those times are likely to last far less than if you rigidly stick to what others tell you ''you must do'.

Our children are precious, much of what they do is caused by anxiety and, if taken in that context you are far more likely to be able to understand and deal with it appropriately.

The Big Stink - Aspergers and hygiene

"Is there any bath water" asked my son a minute ago. I nearly fell off my seat. For anyone who follows my blog regularly knows, getting my son to water is like asking a Dodo to fly- it just doesn't happen.

However over the past two weeks I have noticed a change. It began one day when my son asked his older brother if he could use the computer.

"Not until you've had a bath" said my eldest "You stink"

The youngest, who is now 13 (and has Aspergers) acknowledged that he is now beginning to get sweaty but was worried that bathtime was 8.30pm and it was only 11.00 o'clock in the morning,

I grasped my chance. "Well you could wait till 8.30pm", I acknowledged "but that's a long time to wait to go on the computer", "If you changed your routine today you could be on the computer in 10 minutes"

That seemed to settle it, in no time at all he was in the bath and clean without so much of a condescending look, a grimace or a swear word.

And so things have continued. He doesn't bath every night you understand, but anything is better than nothing at all. He has meekly gone for a bath three out of five times this week without so much as a murmur and tonight tops the lot!

I'm finding that the less I push. the more my son seems to mature. It's always a couple of years behind his peers when it comes to the social aspects of life but it does happen,when HE is ready!

So perhaps tomorrow he will clean his teeth? But I won't hold my breath.

Aspergers and Hygiene - How do you Smell today?

I'm not actually sure that you can put Aspergers and Hygiene in the same sentence. For anyone who saw the film 'Temple Grandin' there is a scene where her boss gives her a can of deodorant and tells her to use it because 'she stinks'. It may sound harsh or hurtful but in reality my son only takes notice if I 'tell him straight'

Hygiene has got worse as my son has got older. Perhaps it's because when children are little you expect to help them with their baths and teeth.At twelve however you expect them to do it themselves. Get that hope firmly out of your mind! They're sneaky and if you don't watch them they with do  nothing, yes that's right absolutely ZILCH!

Only the other day my mum was saying how sad it was that my son's hair was so messy, it made him look geeky and she worried someone would laugh at him. I bit my tongue and began to worry. I knew it was messy but I made a promise to him some time ago that if he would allow me to use clippers on his hair he would never, ever again have to go to the hairdresser. I hadn't shaved too much off as the first time we did it his dad was in charge and he came up for air looking like  Franciscan monk- it was awful! Luckily my son just laughed, you see he really doesn't care what other people think of him and that's the key- we make ourselves look nice to attract others and conform and neither of those things matter to my son!

Fortunately for me my husband told my son he needed a haircut and he would have to take him to the hairdressers.My son decided that he needed to get his hair done quickly before his dad had the chance to carry out his threat so he asked me to cut his hair when his dad was at work. I reduced the length of the trimmers this time and we were just on the last few strands when his dad walked in the house. It wasn't perfect but it was a great deal better! Next time I resolved to reduce the length of the trimmers to 'short grass' height.

Bathing has take a turn for the worse too. As a young child my son was bathed every day, however as he has grown up I have far more after school activities to go to so I'm inevitably not in at bath time. I have discovered that he responds better with a set bath time at 8.30pm as it's not unexpected, however if I'm out I have to remember to text his father otherwise bath time gets missed! Invariably my alarm will go off in the middle of choir practice with a message to say it's bath time. It has caused a great deal of hilarity!

 There was a time not so long ago when he was anxious.He would climb into the bath complete with ear defenders and underpants, a sort of Sponge bob Super hero and he insisted I sat in the bathroom whilst he had his bath- that time seems to have passed now and he will bath alone. If we are not careful though he can go for days without a bath. The other day he had one because his elder brother told him he was starting to smell. There can be no pussy footing around you have to tell it straight!

Cleaning teeth isn't any better we are experts on every flavour, colour and type of toothpaste, we've had ice cream flavour, banana flavour, mint, stripey, and transparent. Some have suited for a while, others haven't got past the tooth brush! We haven't had much more success with mouth wash. At the moment my son is rubbing his gums with mouth wash every day but if you could see his face when he does it you would think he was being poisoned. Chewing gum has been our best bet. Far from ideal I know but at least we don't have to smell his stinky breath.

I am dreading the onset of puberty. I just hope we can find an anti perspirant to mask his scent. Perhaps we will have to resort to Lion Dung - rather than attract people in his direction - it may keep them away!