Moving on - Autistic developments!

I've some-what neglected my Autistic son recently, not physically you understand, but in my  blogging. After all that's what this blog is really about. There's only so much you can  write about our activities in an interesting way when his routine happens to be the same  every day .That's what makes him safe and comfortable. I've noticed however that things have changed  over the last few weeks, very subtly but they HAVE changed.

The sun has been out and I'm sure that has made a difference, my eldest has been around more too as he's on study leave. My autistic son likes that (even that is a change from three years ago when they hated one another)

It has been some time since my son ventured out into the garden- a real shame when you have  1 1/2 acres of field to play and run around in and watch the wildlife. Recently however I've noticed him popping out to the trampoline.This has been one of the best purchases we have ever made (in fact we are now on our second it has been so well used) My son has always loved the trampoline. He started when our National Autistic society organised some sessions with a wonderful teacher called Vicky. My son was 8 or 9 and demanded on his first day to do a somersault. I explained that was a bit advanced for a first timer but under Vicky's supervision he did it anyway and has never looked back! It's a great way for him to deal with his own stress and get some exercise.

Going out has been less of an issue too. He is old enough at almost thirteen now to stay at home.That has made life much easier as I am not stressed trying to go out while he resists all attempts to leave the house. Instead I will ask if he wants to come. If he starts to waiver I will say it's up to him and that I'll sit in the car for five minutes and if he doesn't arrive I will go and assume he isn't coming. It has worked (TWICE). As I've sat on the drive I've heard a little click on the back door and noticed an apparition in ear defenders climb the back steps ready to go. In fact over the last two weeks my son has been getting 'bored' with being at home and asking what he can do. I've learned not to suggest umpteen ideas as it never works- he doesn't really want me to suggest things he is just frustrated. He gets two suggestions and if they are turned down I walk away and leave him. It works wonders. All too often in the past I ended up with a headache suggesting ideas which he just continually turned down,becoming more and more frustrated. He wanted my attention.It doesn't work now as I walk away. Instead I found him in the garden cuddling the dogs yesterday after having 'nothing to do' and he quickly finds something when left with no options.
He has also asked to come with me to Grandmas when I visit on a Friday nights and has chatted happily away ( about his 'specialist subjects' naturally) and watched the films that she lovingly tapes with him in mind. (She really has 'got him')

Even food issues have abated somewhat.O.K so Gran has ended up with a bulk buy of Quavers which he has suddenly ''gone off" (A bit like my stock pile of those horrible hot dogs you get in tins which he took  a shine to at one point). Current favourites are now Chicken chow mein (so noodles are on the menu), curries (which have always been a favourite) bagels, white chocolate milkshake (in fact anything that begins with the word chocolate),roast dinners (but not pork because it isn't beef)- so he's not going to starve!

Oh and the sleep issues seem to be improving too - sleeping at 12.00am rather than 4.00am - we are obviously on to a roll (pretty sure it's all linked to anxiety)

As for bathing and teeth cleaning - well we are still working on that although I did do a double take the other day when he disappeared and I thought he'd gone to hide when in fact he was in the bathroom having a bath just as I'd asked him too.I'm just hoping he gets the hang of teeth cleaning before they drop out- we have got as far as chewing gum so far and the occasional mouth wash. But hey ho I'm doing my best- What more can a mother do?

I did it my Way!

One man and is dog!

My son went to sleep at 11.00 pm last night and he is still sleeping now. I can't remember when he last went to bed at a fairly normal time - a few months ago I think. I find it interesting. It's not that he isn't getting any sleep it's just that he is sleeping at the wrong times.Wrong for me that is!
I read an interesting article in Asperger United yesterday.A young adult with Aspergers was bemoaning the fact that he had work at 9.00am each day and was regularly still awake at 3.30am in the morning which caused a great deal of anxiety and other mental health issues.
At our recent CAMHS meeting we were  given a sheaf of information sheets on promoting sleep- the professional freely admitted that she wasn't an expert in ASD but she thought they might help. They suggested all the normal things, wind down before bed, no screens, lavender bath, milky drink - none of them work. If my son is tired he will sleep, if he's not he won't.
I'm actually coming to the conclusion that his way isn't wrong.The reason he slept last night is that he has stayed awake for 2 days. That's how he turned it around last time so effectively he has a strategy if he really needs to get up for 9.00am. The problem is that society places expectations on us and that's what caused the stress. If my son was at school he would need to be out the house at 7.40am to get to the bus stop in time for school. I would be stressed, he would be oppositional and then we wouldn't make it. We would probably have ended up with school refusal and a visit by the school attendance officer, combined with intervention from CAMHS and every Tom, Dick or Harry, trying to 'sort out my son'.
In fact there is no right way. I can see that my son will have to work around his sleep patterns.I predict that he will handle working for himself better rather than working for others (another issue entirely) and there will be times when he has appointments which don't suit him (but then don't we all?) Shopping is likely to be online or at night- a benefit of the introduction of new technology and long opening hours, and most of his socialising will be online or at least until he has got to know people well.
It may make him appear eccentric to others but it certainly won't harm them and I'm pretty sure it will help keep him sane and free from unnecessary stress. Only time will tell if I'm right- one thing however I'm sure of is that home education has worked and is still working for him and, as I read the positive messages from all the lovely friends I've made online who are home educating their autistic children I'm convinced that for us it's the RIGHT way!

Interest led learning!

No one can act and learn for another.The doer must do the work himself. The task, the choice, the purpose must be his....

JOHN HOLT    Instead of Education

One of the most important lessons I've learned with an oppositional child is that you can't MAKE them learn. Learning comes from the heart and a need to know.

As I've backed off from worksheets, lesson plans and structured learning I have become what John Holt calls  a t-eacher rather than a Teacher! Rather than feed my children information which I feel they should learn like a Teacher in a school who is restricted by the National Curriculum, I have the luxury of being able to sit back to listen and observe what my children are saying and doing.

Yesterday I discussed the possibility with my son of giving him an allowance. He frantically scrambled the numbers in his head , did some mental arithmatic and decided that he would be better off than he currently is. This impromptu maths lesson took place in the car and continued throughout the day as he calculated how long it would take with his new found wealth to buy a computer for gaming.

We spent half an hour in PC World whilst he did his research and he explained about the memory in each computer and the merits of Windows over a mac for gaming and as we were leaving we spotted a rack of pc games for 97p each! We rifled through the games on offer and discovered Surgery simulator which my son had previously seen for £19.99. Needless to say we couldn't overlook such a bargain so we snapped it up and my son and his sister spent the evening operating in my front room, all the while learning the names of different parts of the human anatomy!

Meanwhile I drew up a legal contract for consideration with regard to my son's allowance and how it was to be used, and recommended that my son take independent legal advice on the content from his grandfather before he signed anything. I was surprised to receive an email back from my son complete with amended contract for consideration. My son had perused it ,struck out the wording which was too vague and could be ambiguous and which he requested be implemented. A discussion then took place between my husband and son as to the validity of a contract signed by a minor. My husband explained that in fact it was a memorandum of agreement evidencing an agreement between us and a signed copy could be produced in the event of dispute!

None of what took place that day took place at a desk,at a set 'learning time' or was premeditated. It happened naturally and continued as a result of my son's expressed interest in what we said and saw! Learning should be fun and spontaneous - not forceful and stifling!

Food, Glorious Food - Not if you're Autistic!

Pancakes provide calcium and protein

I've just finished making pancakes.It's something my son eats and , from my perspective, has some nutritional value in the eggs and milk it contains.

It's not always easy to find the right food. This morning when I came downstairs, my son, who had been up all night , said he was hungry and would like some toast. What he meant was pre-sliced processed toast. When I told him that we only had fresh bread left but I could toast a couple of slices he replied that he only liked 'square toast'. 

This isn't at all unusual with Autistic children.The other day we were at Grandmas' for Roast dinner. After pudding she handed out some peppermint creams which had been a Christmas gift telling us all that they were from M and S. After a few minutes Grandma noticed that my son hadn't yet eaten his mint.

" Don't you like it she asked?"

 " No", he replied,  "I don't like M and S!

What he meant was that he doesn't like the smell of the M and S stores, in fact he refuses to set foot in them,  and that had effected his decision not to eat the sweet. If Grandma hadn't mentioned where the sweet was from then he would no doubt have eaten it.

Only last night I made lasagne. I usually use a jar of white sauce. but our stocks were out so I made my own. My son loves lasagne but when I gave out the plates he refused to eat his because it 'looked different'. Feeding my son can be frustrating - What he likes one day he will hate the next!

Some Autistic children will stop eating a particular food simply because the packaging  or a minor ingredient has changed . Re-branding can be a nightmare for parents of autistic children!

I also have to remind my son to drink. He can go all day without drinking anything and despite being warned it could lead to kidney infections it doesn't seem to make any difference. If I ask my son if he wants a drink and he says'I don't know' that generally means he will drink it. It is only if he says 'no' that I know there is no point giving him one.

In discussion with friends, I've learned that there are dealing with similar issues.. Some children don't like lumps and will physically vomit if they find one in their food. Others will eat the middle, but not the end of a banana.

Vitamin powder in orange juice and drinks like Complan can add essential vitamins and minerals if your child will eat them, We have found that my son enjoys Nesquik milkshake. One thing I'm sure about though is that it doesn't help to make a big issue of it. If the only thing your child will eat is Mars bars then it is no good banning them, you are purely removing one more foodstuff from your child's already limited diet'

 Some children eat the same thing day in and day out. We are fairly lucky my son loves spicy food and will eat curries, chinese meals and spicy chicken. Other children will only eat bland food like pasta and noodles- so there is no fixed rule. You just have to suck it and see! One of the most helpful books I have found on the subject so far is Can't Eat, Won't Eat by Brenda Legge. Her son would only eat Kit Kats which can be a problem if school bans chocolate from the childrens' lunch boxes!
If anyone has experience of some simple foods which have been successful with their Autistic child then please feel free to share them in the comments section. You may be providing another parent with a life line!

Good Night, Sleep tight!

Well after another couple of weeks of non sleeping my son seems to be pulling it round again.He went to bed at 2.30am this morning. We are learning to treat it like jet lag. His sleep patterns get out of synch and then he has to gradually turn it round an hour at a time day by day.
We refuse to let it get us down, it makes home educating together harder as I'm often asleep when he's awake but we use our moments together and I leave books around for him to read when he's not tired. Despite lack of sleep the questions still keep on coming."What's a pleb mum"."What do you think of Gay marriages" "Religious views have caused a lot of wars"- it doesn't stop my twelve year old from being inquisitive.
As I think I've said before we have already discussed , shopping at night and working from home when he's older- he may have to  consider night shifts if these sleep patterns continue but it won't be the end of the world.
An interesting question about sleep came up on one of my home educating forums recently. I was pleased to see that most of those parents whose advice I respect and who have more experience than me had adopted a similar attitude, adapting the environment to suit their child, rather than trying to force their child to sleep. In fact one parent came up with a brilliant idea. Like my son, her child was missing meals because he was asleep at mealtimes so she now made him a packed lunch which he ate about 2.00am!
The parents who were struggling were the ones who saw their child's behaviour as 'deliberate' - getting out of their responsibilities and 'mucking up family time'. They were stressed and angry and it was getting them nowhere. They felt guilty as parents because their children were on screens too much and not going out the house. One lady said her child hadn't been out since Christmas
It is horrible, you feel like a bad parent because your child is going against everything you are taught is right to be a good parent. I have been in their shoes (and not all that long ago). I too have posted for advice. What I do know is that my son IS NOT doing this on purpose. He wants to sleep.Putting pressure on him will only cause us all stress so we have to work with where were at in order to get where we hope to be.
 I learned yesterday that screens emit a blue light similar to daylight which tells the brain that it's still day therefore it makes you feel awake. It is no good ordering my son to switch off all his screens because it isn't good for him .He will just get angry and go into meltdown because I'm trying to 'control' him. However he will accept scientific facts so I have dropped that in in conversation for him to mull over. One thing I have learned is that I'm not alone.This is a very common problem, particularly with Autistic children in their teens and we need to do what we can to help them, NOT force them. What I have realised is that we haven't had many meltdowns recently, despite the blip in sleep patterns and my concerns, my son seems happy because we are not trying to turn him into something he's not. A family is there for it's members NOT it's members for the family!

Insomnia and Aspergers

Last night was the best nights sleep in ages and I feel so guilty as I discovered ,when I awoke, that my son had been up all night because ‘he wasn’t tired’. This was his second night without sleep, the previous night he had finally fallen asleep at 5.00am and I was shattered.

Whilst many autistics are known for their insomnia we have never really had a problem with our son. Obviously home education has helped as there is no school bus to catch in the morning for him. I think if he had been at school we would have been scuppered at the first hurdle but broadly speaking, although he has always gone to bed late (normally around 11.00pm) and then read for about 2 hours it has been one of the times of day when he has actually learned loads!

For some reason though he has    suddenly been unable to sleep and we’re not sure why. He doesn’t seem worried or stressed   and he doesn’t seem to have an obsession so I’m not sure if this is a short  term thing or if were in it for the long haul. Puberty has certainly hit hard and we are dealing with a whole load of new problems.

In fact despite my guilt at being asleep whilst   my son whiled away the midnight hours  watching television, in fact he tells me that he watched a historical film called Letters to IWO JIMA and a National Geographic programme about France in addition to playing mine craft on the computer. He then proceeded to sleep until 4.00pm today after falling asleep at 8.00pm.

I’ve googled ‘insomnia and Aspergers’ and found various tips on My Aspergers Child website, like using weighted blankets, drinking chamomile tea before bed, having a lavender bath. It  seems lack of sleep  can be a problem for many children on the spectrum, For us it is simply a new problem to learn from and deal with. Lets just hope we come to grips with it before we all end up living a topsy turvey life style.