How do you remind your Autistic child to eat?

We went out for a meal on Thursday, Google, myself, my husband, his siblings, his grandparents and his aunt, that is.Google was excited.He'd known about it for weeks and accepted that a hair cut and a bath would be necessary the day before, without hesitation.Once again it was evident that these activities were neither stressful or painful when the need was there.

As he grows older Google is teaching me such a lot about Autism (his autism that is) I asked him the other day, why, when I go out,  he doesn't make himself anything to eat.I used to think it was laziness (and yes that does come into it if his sister offers to make him some toast or his older brother is making cheese and ham toasties in the kitchen) but yesterday when I dropped his sister off at Peak Camp I picked up a BLT sandwich as promised .I got home late, imagining he would be famished but, to my surprise he said he had forgotten all about it as he was so engrossed in his computer programming.

I think that's half the problem.It doesn't even occur to him that he's hungry if he's engrossed in something ,so he has to be prompted to eat otherwise he would forget.That's a problem we will need to deal with for the future.Perhaps an alarm system will do the trick or a picture system.Any ideas from those further ahead of us would be gratefully received.

Peace in our Time!

I have to keep my eye on the ball. change happens slowly and subtlety in an autistic household.In the last few weeks it has been an increase the range of food my son will eat.Beans on toast (as long as they're Heinz) - I haven't dared tell him he got a mix of brands the other day,Emmental and bavarian ham toastie,smooth fresh orange juice. I know it's down to his mood but it's lovely to see him eating something healthy for a change!

Even the tin of chocolates my daughter won at a raffle is still half full and has been for weeks. Either that means that before I started my healthy life style change I ate all the chocolates or, by me concentrating on eating healthy food it's affecting the whole family!

Another thing I noticed last night was that, after waiting an hour for someone to get his pudding for him, my son finally decided it wasn't going to happen and, having asked my how many slices the chocolate cake would cut into,he cut himself a slice,added ice cream and came through having made himself his pudding!

I have to say,I never thought I'd see the day.He will generally do without rather than make himself some food. Many's the time he will pop downstairs after we've all made ourselves a sandwich for lunch and asked "What's for Dinner?"

The lack of motivation to eat, is in some part due to his intensity of concentration when he is building something on Minecraft or flying a virtual aeroplane which will crash if he leaves it. There is however another aspect, an anxiety or not knowing 'where to start'. I have stood over him many times, instructing him how to make a hot chocolate,or use the ice cream scoop or cut a slice of bread and wondered for how much longer my intelligent fourteen year old will still need that support. The answer I think will be whenever he is feeling insecure.

At the moment his mood is buoyant and he is willing to go out (in moderation), will have a bath when asked and will eat foods he would previously have rejected. I am enjoying the peaceful life,long may it last!

Moving on - Autistic developments!

I've some-what neglected my Autistic son recently, not physically you understand, but in my  blogging. After all that's what this blog is really about. There's only so much you can  write about our activities in an interesting way when his routine happens to be the same  every day .That's what makes him safe and comfortable. I've noticed however that things have changed  over the last few weeks, very subtly but they HAVE changed.

The sun has been out and I'm sure that has made a difference, my eldest has been around more too as he's on study leave. My autistic son likes that (even that is a change from three years ago when they hated one another)

It has been some time since my son ventured out into the garden- a real shame when you have  1 1/2 acres of field to play and run around in and watch the wildlife. Recently however I've noticed him popping out to the trampoline.This has been one of the best purchases we have ever made (in fact we are now on our second it has been so well used) My son has always loved the trampoline. He started when our National Autistic society organised some sessions with a wonderful teacher called Vicky. My son was 8 or 9 and demanded on his first day to do a somersault. I explained that was a bit advanced for a first timer but under Vicky's supervision he did it anyway and has never looked back! It's a great way for him to deal with his own stress and get some exercise.

Going out has been less of an issue too. He is old enough at almost thirteen now to stay at home.That has made life much easier as I am not stressed trying to go out while he resists all attempts to leave the house. Instead I will ask if he wants to come. If he starts to waiver I will say it's up to him and that I'll sit in the car for five minutes and if he doesn't arrive I will go and assume he isn't coming. It has worked (TWICE). As I've sat on the drive I've heard a little click on the back door and noticed an apparition in ear defenders climb the back steps ready to go. In fact over the last two weeks my son has been getting 'bored' with being at home and asking what he can do. I've learned not to suggest umpteen ideas as it never works- he doesn't really want me to suggest things he is just frustrated. He gets two suggestions and if they are turned down I walk away and leave him. It works wonders. All too often in the past I ended up with a headache suggesting ideas which he just continually turned down,becoming more and more frustrated. He wanted my attention.It doesn't work now as I walk away. Instead I found him in the garden cuddling the dogs yesterday after having 'nothing to do' and he quickly finds something when left with no options.
He has also asked to come with me to Grandmas when I visit on a Friday nights and has chatted happily away ( about his 'specialist subjects' naturally) and watched the films that she lovingly tapes with him in mind. (She really has 'got him')

Even food issues have abated somewhat.O.K so Gran has ended up with a bulk buy of Quavers which he has suddenly ''gone off" (A bit like my stock pile of those horrible hot dogs you get in tins which he took  a shine to at one point). Current favourites are now Chicken chow mein (so noodles are on the menu), curries (which have always been a favourite) bagels, white chocolate milkshake (in fact anything that begins with the word chocolate),roast dinners (but not pork because it isn't beef)- so he's not going to starve!

Oh and the sleep issues seem to be improving too - sleeping at 12.00am rather than 4.00am - we are obviously on to a roll (pretty sure it's all linked to anxiety)

As for bathing and teeth cleaning - well we are still working on that although I did do a double take the other day when he disappeared and I thought he'd gone to hide when in fact he was in the bathroom having a bath just as I'd asked him too.I'm just hoping he gets the hang of teeth cleaning before they drop out- we have got as far as chewing gum so far and the occasional mouth wash. But hey ho I'm doing my best- What more can a mother do?

Into the Future - Uncharted waters for Aspergers!

One of the reasons I blog is to remind myself just how far my son has come since we began home education.

 Only months ago he was afraid to leave the house or had a meltdown if I showed signs of leaving (even to walk the dog) all because he was afraid that a high speed jet was going to crash into the house. It sounds extreme, but when you have sensitive hearing then the sound of a jet passing up the estuary (which has a tendency to make you jump out your skin) must be like Chicken Licken and the sky falling in! That went on throughout the winter months, I was stuck in the house and my only respite was when my mum came to babysit each week so I could do the weekly supermarket shop.

This morning I have popped out to do the shopping leaving him happily at home and yesterday I went to an National Autistic Society meeting and he didn't bat an eyelid.We haven't forced him to go out, we haven't laughed at his phobia of planes, instead we've looked at why the jets need to train. Funnily enough they didn't worry him when we were on Anglesey this year because RAF Vallee was nearby and he 'expected them' so it appears to be fear of the unexpected.

It was the jets which led us to introduce ear defenders which he now takes everywhere with him, we have also set up emergency arrangements for when I'm out. My son never answers the phone or the door so we have an old mobile phone on standby and he knows if that rings it can only be me. We also have a list of important numbers next to the home phone and for additional security have programmed them into the mobile so that if he's anxious he can ring me. He has only done it once to see what time I was coming home. 

All theses skills will I hope help him to live independently as an adult. I suspect he will need support but at least we will have some idea because of our observations now, of the support he needs.So many people believe that an obviously  intelligent child with Aspergers can be self sufficient. To an extent they can if the right provision is in place.Sadly all too often it is not.

I am teaching my son to be aware of his difficulties and to ask for help. I've mentioned before that we currently have issues with  food. He is eating enough but if I go out he just sits there until I come home rather than get himself something to eat.The other day I made up a packed lunch and put it on the side before going out. I told my son to help himself if he felt hungry. Sure enough when I came back he had eaten - a useful tip from another mum who has been there before me! 

So things do change, sometimes they get better, sometimes they're just different and you have to set about learning again.One thing's for sure, if your child is happy, and your family is happy then you are using the right strategies and your child is less likely to have mental health difficulties in the future.

Food, Glorious Food - Not if you're Autistic!

Pancakes provide calcium and protein

I've just finished making pancakes.It's something my son eats and , from my perspective, has some nutritional value in the eggs and milk it contains.

It's not always easy to find the right food. This morning when I came downstairs, my son, who had been up all night , said he was hungry and would like some toast. What he meant was pre-sliced processed toast. When I told him that we only had fresh bread left but I could toast a couple of slices he replied that he only liked 'square toast'. 

This isn't at all unusual with Autistic children.The other day we were at Grandmas' for Roast dinner. After pudding she handed out some peppermint creams which had been a Christmas gift telling us all that they were from M and S. After a few minutes Grandma noticed that my son hadn't yet eaten his mint.

" Don't you like it she asked?"

 " No", he replied,  "I don't like M and S!

What he meant was that he doesn't like the smell of the M and S stores, in fact he refuses to set foot in them,  and that had effected his decision not to eat the sweet. If Grandma hadn't mentioned where the sweet was from then he would no doubt have eaten it.

Only last night I made lasagne. I usually use a jar of white sauce. but our stocks were out so I made my own. My son loves lasagne but when I gave out the plates he refused to eat his because it 'looked different'. Feeding my son can be frustrating - What he likes one day he will hate the next!

Some Autistic children will stop eating a particular food simply because the packaging  or a minor ingredient has changed . Re-branding can be a nightmare for parents of autistic children!

I also have to remind my son to drink. He can go all day without drinking anything and despite being warned it could lead to kidney infections it doesn't seem to make any difference. If I ask my son if he wants a drink and he says'I don't know' that generally means he will drink it. It is only if he says 'no' that I know there is no point giving him one.

In discussion with friends, I've learned that there are dealing with similar issues.. Some children don't like lumps and will physically vomit if they find one in their food. Others will eat the middle, but not the end of a banana.

Vitamin powder in orange juice and drinks like Complan can add essential vitamins and minerals if your child will eat them, We have found that my son enjoys Nesquik milkshake. One thing I'm sure about though is that it doesn't help to make a big issue of it. If the only thing your child will eat is Mars bars then it is no good banning them, you are purely removing one more foodstuff from your child's already limited diet'

 Some children eat the same thing day in and day out. We are fairly lucky my son loves spicy food and will eat curries, chinese meals and spicy chicken. Other children will only eat bland food like pasta and noodles- so there is no fixed rule. You just have to suck it and see! One of the most helpful books I have found on the subject so far is Can't Eat, Won't Eat by Brenda Legge. Her son would only eat Kit Kats which can be a problem if school bans chocolate from the childrens' lunch boxes!
If anyone has experience of some simple foods which have been successful with their Autistic child then please feel free to share them in the comments section. You may be providing another parent with a life line!

Faddy Eaters or is it just my cooking?

Well I picked up the book "Can't Eat , Won't Eat" by Brenda Legge, from the library yesterday and already I'm hooked. She is describing my son to a tee. Eats KFC happily once a week but has gone off chips at home. Loves roast dinner but will only eat it on Sundays with a sausage on the side. Otherwise he doesn't like sausages or peas the rest of the week. Eats chicken burgers for lunch every day for a month and then has "never ever liked them", In fact I'm told "I 'forced him to eat them'. Neither does he like Walkers crisps,won't eat a large bag of popcorn because there is too much in the packet. The list just goes on and on
I thought I was going mad.Panic would set in at the thought of making tea. We had a freezer full of food but on past experience it was unlikely my son would like anything.
Initially the ritual of getting up from the tea table and walking out in disgust only happened when my husband wasn't there. I looked at it as a sign of defiance. It wound me up and I had to keep tight lipped so that the rest of us could enjoy a peaceful teatime without anger and aggression.
Latterly my sons 'pickiness' for want of a better word has worsened and has been witnessed by my husband and my parents. In a way I'm glad it isn't just me! You wonder if you are doing something wrong and can be made to feel  like an ineffective parent with an undisciplined child.
He eats chocolates, crisps, some biscuits, cornettos but refuses point blank the offer of a healthy jacket potato or a sandwich. I thought of banning sweets until he ate properly. It doesn't work and Brenda's book is testimony to that, your child just eats even less.
Today we went into a supermarket. Immediately my son walked out because it was too loud and he said he didn't like sandwiches. We've had this before.He doesn't mean sandwiches I learned today in Asperger speak it means " I don't generally like cold food for lunch. I prefer hot and would like a cheeseburger and chips with Fanta please" I got it right and he was happy!
Then one day the weather was so lovely we decided to have a barbeque in the garden. I watched as my husband got out the sausages and beefburgers. "He won't eat them " I thought as my son has refused both for weeks. Tea time came and he promptly tucked into a beefburger and two sausages!
Aspergers takes a lot of understanding and I don't think that I will ever fully get there but I'm trying my best and would love to hear from any of you out there who have similar  experiences!

Diet and Autistic children,

What children need is not new and better curriculm but access to more of the real world; plenty of time and space to think over their experiences, and to use fantasy and play to make meaning out of them." John Holt


Until quite recently my son has happily eaten most of the foods I put before him. Granted,like most children he has a penchant for chocolate and fizzy drinks when given half a chance but he will gobble down an indian curry, a roast dinner or a cajun chicken wrap without much persuasion.
I remember as a toddler he would often go for hours without a drink and it would be necessary to remind him to drink a glass of milk or water if he became too absorbed in his activities. Even now he will often forget he is hungry when absorbed with his X box or computer. However I have noticed that suddenly he 'has gone off' most of the foods he would eat until quite recently. He doesn't like, the beefburgers we have always bought.The sausages taste   'strange'. Even pizza isn't the same as the one we usually get.
I have become quite used to the grimaces of distaste as I place a lovingly prepared meal in front of him ands he rises up silently and walks out the room as though in some way I've offended him. I have tried to ignore it, it's nothing personal and he will get something when he is really hungry and to a certain extent it has worked. However yesterday, having spent a lovely afternoon at the cinema we came home and I offered him a bacon sandwich. The day before his grandma had come round and he had tucked in to two bacon sandwiches and professed the bacon to be 'much better that mums'. There was some bacon left and he accepted the offer but when placed in front of him he turned up his nose and said he didn't like it like that! I bit my tongue and said I would eat it for my own lunch instead. An hour later I was about to pick up his siblings from school when he said he was very hungry. I explained wearily he would have to find something as I had to go out and he went over to a bag of mars bars and took one, I suggested that it might be better to choose something more healthy and then found myself at the end of my sons fist as he screamed and swore that I hadn't offered anything to him to eat! *He was very sorry afterwards that he hadn't been able to control his anger and it is an issue which we need to address as a priority as it is the most debilitating part of my sons autism and will only become harder to manage as he becomes older, but the matter of his eating habits is also of concern as no matter how hard I try his food is 'wrong'. I am considering a nutritionist with experise in Autism, have been to the supermarket today and bought several ready made curries as a back up when we are eating lasagne or chilli and other meals he professes not to like. I have spoken to other parents and learned that it seems to be a common problem with teenage Autistics and I can only researcgh and experiment and find out more about it. My son has learned to make a milk shake today and we have bought a variety pack of cereals for him to eat whenever he is hungry as hunger is no doubt contributing to his bad temper and anger. I will share my experience as we learn together how to keep him fit and healthy and how we cope with his anger issues which to date have not been addressed by the professionals supposedly in charge of my son's mental health due to lack of ressources and inappropriate expertise in our locality. One of the books recommended is Can't eat , won't eat by Brenda Legge so I'll maybe do some reading and see what I can learn!


* I have decided to include reference to my son's anger as it is a common problem with many Autistic children which is not being adequately addressed in many area of Britain and often leads to exclusion from schools'